Zac's working nights for the next couple weeks, which means, I put Cohen to sleep alone and hop into my own bed alone. Though I hate him gone at night, I do enjoy the quiet alone time I am able to have. I cherish catching up on documentaries I have added to Netflix or getting my hands on a good book.
I'm a deeply reflective person. I am happiest staring off into space.... wondering, dreaming and reflecting on the world I see and perceive.
I began to imagine tonight a dream for my family. A hope has been ignited and a dream has been kindled. My watched Cohen sleep and wondered...
Who is this little boy? What will he do with his life? How can I be the greatest mother to compliment his destiny?
There he sat. Snored. Moved around.
He's his own little person, independent, fully capable without me in so many ways now...
I watch him try to tie his own shoes, pour his own milk, put his dishes away in the sink, brush his teeth, pick out the clothes he wants, articulate his needs and wants...
It's foreign to me. I remember nights of nursing this little person every hour and a half.... nuzzling into my chest... rocking him into a slumber.
Now, I can hardly pick him up without falling over and "umphing" a bit.
I sat tonight amazed at this little person. Amazed at his heart, his tenderness and compassion. I watch him introduce himself to everyone on the playground, help pick up the toys when no one else will and make jokes that seem too sophisticated for his age.
I can hardly believe I could ever love another child as much as I love him.
But I will.... and life will be different.
Thought it's been a bit rough, I've been loving this pregnancy. It's my last one and I'm focusing on cherishing every moment.
I'm sure this is nothing but rambles but even after midnight, one can stop to reflect on the precious nature of life.