Do you ever at times feel that you are floating somewhere between noticeable and forgotten? It's a rush that leaves you paralyzed. Standing in a busy street wondering when the next nonchalant car will forget your presence and crash into you. The floating does not bother me as much as the unknowing. It is easy to cascade into oblivion, easy to apathetically cast your cares away.... easy to let go of the painful. Arriving is what often leaves us blind, frozen, stiff to our own choices and our own deep woundings. Yes, arriving equates itself to fear. Fear of confronting a choice.
Do you ever feel that you were once a succulent tree? Bearing incredible fruit, overwhelming beauty and thick ripe branches that ache with nourishment. Does that ever feel so long ago? So painfully withered away it takes you closing your eyes to remember that season? Looking now all you see is a depleted parched person who aches to remember the fruit. To taste the overwhelming ripeness of life found in your own being. The heaviness that comes with floating. The irony of it all.
Do you ever feel undeserving? Given a gift more precious than the finest jewels the world can offer. A gift that came screaming into the world and given to a couple of teenagers. A gift that carefully takes his own soft blanket and covers his mommy as she sleeps. A gift that kisses for no other reason but adoration. A gift that waves goodbye and blows kisses for no other reason but love. A gift that whispers sweet nothings, laughs at sweet musings and caresses a mothers heart without even trying. A gift so undeserving tears roll down your face as you caress his face in the dusk of night. A gift that gives without trying. Who teaches without correcting. Who encourages without saying anything.
My gift.
