Do you ever just want to hear from Jesus?
Don't get me wrong, I love the Psalms and think the Old Testament has a glorious way of painting a beautiful picture of life and the human experience.
But I needed Jesus.
So I sat flipping through the New Testament like a 8 year old girl... hoping that some passage would grab my attention. I thought of randomly pointing to a chapter, reading the crucifix story again or maybe I'll just stay safe and read Revelation literally so I won't really be challenged.
Then I came to Luke. I began reading Luke 8 and was reminded of the Sower, when Jesus calms the storm but then I came across verse 40. And an overwhelming sense of importance plagued my mind.
As Jesus was on his way, the crowds almost crushed him. 43 And a woman was there who had been subject to bleeding for twelve years, but no one could heal her. 44 She came up behind him and touched the edge of his cloak, and immediately her bleeding stopped.
45 “Who touched me?” Jesus asked.
When they all denied it, Peter said, “Master, the people are crowding and pressing against you.”
46 But Jesus said, “Someone touched me; I know that power has gone out from me.”
47 Then the woman, seeing that she could not go unnoticed, came trembling and fell at his feet. In the presence of all the people, she told why she had touched him and how she had been instantly healed. 48 Then he said to her, “Daughter, your faith has healed you. Go in peace.”
Who touched me? Your faith has healed you. Go in peace.
Those words resonated with me and I read them over and over and over again.
We are all damaged goods looking for a healer. A reason to live and reason to go on past the ugliness that we stare at in the mirror.
Who touched me?
Often times I wonder if Jesus ever senses my longings. If he hears me when I cry in the shower afraid to confront a world that I don't understand. I beg him to speak louder as I navigate through the throbbing that aches in my being. I read this and wondered... Does he feel me? Does he sense me? Does he distinguish me from the rest?
I touch you Lord and at times, I cry out in a deep desperation. Not because I am a victim of my life but rather I desire a proactive passion for you.
Your faith has healed you
I recall a moment I had the other night in the front seat of my beat up 03' Saturn. It was close to ten at night and I had just gotten out of one of my classes. I had been struggling with what was next. I desired so much but I didn't know how to do any of it. I felt paralyzed. Even in my own strength I felt that I couldn't conquer the cavern of doubt. I sat in my car and felt the prompting of the Holy Spirit to change the station to KLOVE. I don't listen to Christian music. God doesn't care. He'll use anything he can get. I then heard a song that brought me to fall on face.
"Stand up, even when you're broken. Stand up, when your hope is stolen. Stand up, you'll see where you are going. You don't have to be afraid."
Go In Peace
I love that Jesus doesn't ask questions about why this woman was bleeding, how long it had been and demanding answers to questions she predicted he might have in her head. I remember watching this story as a child on one of those cartoon movies. I remember the woman inching her way toward the only persona in her life that she had left. She had exhausted her efforts. She had done all she could. Her life depended on one man. The Son of God to touch her. I remember this woman crawling to her Savior...inching her way in all of her pain...grasping her stomach and chest in agony. The crowd staring in disbelief. She didn't care.
The pain it took to even reach out to him was worth all the while. The he stopped among the chaos. He stopped and turned. He stopped and turned to her... commanded her to have peace... to literally rest in the arms of her God and to allow the weight of her world to be given to her Savior. To remember who ordains and sees it all.
Sometimes I think about this woman who touched Jesus. It is easy to idealize her situation... to claim that she ran away laughing, no longer in pain.... a true miracle.
I don't see it that way.
I see a woman who had heard her Savior gently remind her that he is in control. She had a perspective change. Perhaps her bleeding stopped for awhile but then something else came up. Perhaps she had to experience the death of one of her children, lose her home, contract a new disease, problem... concern...
Living out faith does not happen instantaneously. Go in peace because I am in control... not necessarily just because you are now well.
I love when Jesus speaks to me. When I hear him loud and clear. When I am reminded to rest in him...
John 14:27 (KJV) "Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."