I was washing and putting away clothes this morning while Cohen was at VBS. I neatly stacked the diapers and rearranged the living area preparing for baby.
Where should I put the cradle? The extra blankets? The diaper genie?
It all seemed overwhelming. Nothing seemed to fit anywhere. I didn't like the way anything was looking. My nesting wasn't cute... it was irritating.
3 more weeks?!
How I'm feeling:
Emotionally: Like I'm on a freaking roller coaster. Lots of crying. Lots of laughing. Lots of all of the place. Zac is working nights for the next few weeks so I'm feeling lonely at night and very alone with my emotions. It's strange to look around and realize life is going to change drastically in just a handful of weeks.
Physically: I'm feeling like I have a nice big baby, my tummy is feeling full and active. I've gained about 23 pounds this pregnancy, ten less than with Cohen. So I'm not feeling as bloated as the first time around. I'm feeling sweaty and hot-flashy... constantly! Pregnancy isn't sexy the last month.... at all... :)
Mentally: I jump all over the place. I feel confident one day and freaked out the next. I keep thinking "I have to figure out social security stuff, birth certificate stuff, insurance stuff and be responsible for another human being!!" It's a very sobering, freaky thing. Some days I feel like I am deserving of another little boy in my life and other days I feel like I am not ready.
What I'm craving: Not much since my nausea has been acting up again (what the heck?) so it's a lot of greek yogurt, graham crackers and juice. Nothing else sounds very good... :) Though Hot Tamales (the candy) have been on the brain a lot recently.
What I'm missing: Sleeping on my tummy. I can't wait to lay on my tummy again.
What Cohen is thinking: He is so adoring of his mama and her belly. He kisses my belly and rubs it constantly. I think a lot of my joy comes from watching him being sweet to his little brother and explaining to me how he "knows more" and will help him be a "man." I can't help but think about the important role Cohen will play for Baby T. Cohen is going to be such an incredible big brother. He is such a wonderful helper.
What I'm enjoying: My last few moments alone with Cohen. I get choked up thinking about the last five years we've had together just the three of us and often just the two of us. So much is changing and at times my joy feels a lot like grief.
Baby's weight, name: We have a first and finally a middle name picked out. We are going with an "A" name but you'll just have to wait until his entrance to find out what it is! We love his name and we love what it means to the both of us. Baby is in the 90th percentile so perhaps an eight pounder??
I'm enjoying these last few weeks of movements. It's the absolute best part in my opinion. Since Zac and I have agreed this is my last pregnancy, I am trying to enjoy even the heartburn.... :)
My next update could be about our little guy.
Surreal.
